Do these things to get over your Ex
Have you been left by someone you love?
Or been rejected by someone you practically fantasized about spending your life with?
Well, guess what? I have. You probably have if you’re
reading this. About 90% of humanity has gone through rejection or a heart break
if it makes you feel any better.
Going through a heart
break is one of the hardest tasks we have to do in life. It is safe to say heartache
is an illness on its own as you find yourself distracted and can only think
about that person. The name ‘heart ache’ gives it all away, you feel like
you’ve been stabbed in the chest or had your heart ripped out.
You’re not going to find it easy getting over your ex. You
might not have an appetite or you might even gain more (i.e depressed eating).
Activities that you usually do may no longer interest you. In some cases, you
feel like your world has come to an end and decide to lie in bed all day.
But, guess what? It’s
totally fine to think and grief the love we once had for them, really, it is.
But let it be for just a while. Life is too short to waste sulking and crying
over someone from the past. You see
what I did there? The past is gone. All that should matter is your present and
working towards a better future.
And how can you get rid of the feelings you have and still stay
positive about life? It’s easy. With the detailed guide below, life can be so
much better without your ex.
Take all the time you’ll need
Wait, what did you think? That it was magic?
I’m sorry to
disappoint you but, no. What builds a relationship is emotional attachment.
Surely, you must have had feelings for this guy or girl. This doesn’t
necessarily mean you love them. You miss them and everything you did together.
For instance, watching
your favourite TV series was a Sunday afternoon ritual. When it’s the next
Sunday and your boyfriend or girlfriend is not there on that particular couch
they sit on, their absence is felt to the extent that the movie isn’t as fun to
watch anymore. The registered smell of their perfume or cologne hits you, the
style she usually packs her hair or how he looks when he smiles. You wish for
and crave their presence. You are now like a drug addict dealing with
abstinence which by the way isn't easy.
There’s no time duration to getting over a break up. So, if
you have that friend who’s asking, ‘’You’re still not over her?’’, don’t feel
pressured. Some take a month to get over an ex, others a year.
Another thing is, don’t rush into another relationship. You
don’t want to be that guy or girl that gets a rebound just to get over someone.
It won’t be fair to use someone innocent for your selfish reasons. Apart from
that, getting into a new relationship or situationship does more harm than good
to you. No doubt, it gets you busy, you won’t have to think about your ex but,
you won’t also have time to develop yourself.
If you rush into a relationship immediately after your break
up, It won’t be long before the new one crashes. Why? You haven’t dealt with
your past. You end up going into it with your last relationship burden. This
makes the new relationship shaky from the onset because you come into it with insecurities
from the past. Trusting your new partner is going to be difficult especially if you
just got out from one in which you were
betrayed or hurt because they woke up one morning and decided to leave. You
keep thinking that your new partner will leave you just like the last. This
pessimism would affect your relationship and you might just miss out on finding
the right person for you.
To avoid this, I advise you take your time, think back on
the relationship.
What went wrong?
What was missing in the relationship that you’re looking
forward to in the next one?
Sometimes, writing it down in a book helps a lot.
Be around
your family and friends
Like the saying goes, ‘Family is forever.’ Your partner
might have left but you still have love from your friends and family. Trust me,
you need to talk to someone. It helps against depression. Besides, they can
offer support and advise you on what to do in your situation. Remember when I
said that 90% have gone through a heart break? Your family members and friends have been
through it and can sympathize with you.
It would be nice having that funny friend over who makes dry
jokes but enough to make you laugh. Laughter indeed is a good medicine. Relax,
you’ll be done with this phase before you know it.
No communication
Do we have to go into this again? To break free from your
ex, you need to avoid texting or any form of communication else, you won’t go
through the part you explore life without them.
A lot of people can’t
stand this, they want to know how their ex is doing and they dive right into
conversation with them like nothing happened. This sometimes send mixed signals
and could become messy when your ex is now with someone else and you haven’t gotten over them yet. You feel backstabbed
but in the true sense of it, they told you they were done.
Other than that, this could lead to something called ‘ex
with benefits’. In a situation whereby you know the relationship has ended and
yet decide that you just can’t let them go, you settle for something less.
Don’t do it. Don’t settle for less. Don’t be together because
you’re scared of being alone.
This rule can be sometimes tricky because it doesn’t apply
to every situation. Here’s a story about Kaylee and Josh.
Kaylee and her boyfriend had a tense argument which led to
their break up. It appeared Josh was very comfortable with it as he initiated
it. Kaylee on the other hand started to feel depressed after a day of not
hearing from him. She had thought it was just another one of their arguments.
She couldn’t handle
going a day without him so, she texted him begging him to take her back.
What was even more humiliating was that he read all her
texts and didn’t care to reply. It was a sad experience for Kaylee.
A week after the break up, she lost a loved one. In desperation
to hear from him or have someone check on her, Kaylee posted about the death of
her family member. Josh checked her stories and didn’t leave any message. It
stung her chest. She was hurt that he didn’t care enough to ask.
At this moment, she
cared less about getting back with him but just wanted a single ‘sorry’ message
from him. After all, they were really close and he knew the person who kicked
the bucket and how much he meant to her.
It was a month after the break up when he finally reached
out. He acted like he had just heard about the incident. Kaylee was calm and
collected. She played along but cut him off when he tried to come back as a
friend.
My point is, as humans, we have feelings and rules can’t be
easily adhered to as we have different scenarios. You do not want to be like
Josh. Not being in contact doesn’t mean you’re at war with the person. If your
ex loses a loved one, be there for them especially if you were fond of their
family.
Focus on your goal
To get your mind off things, focusing on the things you love
most really helps. You realize that the relationship kept you distracted from
achieving your goals. This is the perfect time to get engrossed in it. Is it
the subject that gives you problems? Or an idea you have but haven’t worked on?
Or your job assignment that is due for submission? Take this time to work on
it.
You’ll feel some sort of control over these things
especially when it comes out successfully. There’s this feeling of ‘I did this
and it worked out.’ And this gives you hope that even though your relationship
failed, there’s a lot around you that can actually succeed.
This keeps you busy in a way and adds more value to you.
Talk about your problems
You know what people say about getting your mind off things?
They say, ‘If you want to forget it, don’t think or talk about it.’
I’d have to disagree
with that. Not talking or sharing your problems is much dangerous because, you
have it in your mind and heart the whole time. Even if you busy yourself to get
your mind off it, the truth is, every time you go to bed, it’s the last thing
you think and cry about.
Talk about and share your experiences with a trustworthy
person. For example, if your ex cheated on you and after the break up, you’re
just putting the pieces together of the times he lied that he was visiting his
parent whereas he was seeing his ex, share it with them. This helps you heal
more and also enlightens another member of the universe about the signs their
significant other is cheating.
Be patient
Wiping away memories and feelings isn’t a day’s work. I’m
sure you’re considering buying a wand that can do a spell on you to heal and
forget. I wish I could too if any existed. This process takes time. You might
feel that you’re moving on and at the mention of their name or sight, you’re
back to being hurt and wounded again. It happens. You feel as though it is
impossible but it isn’t . It is because you cared about them at some point so,
it’s hard to stop.
Don’t give up on yourself. There will be a time you’ll look back at all these and ask yourself; ‘’Did
I actually cry over him?’’
Be there for your friends
Most times, we go through life forgetting other people and
make everything about ourselves. Don’t forget that as you’re going through your
phase, someone out there is going through theirs. So, be there for your friends
going through the same or a different problem. Believe me, there’s no bond as
strong as uniting with someone who is going through the same thing as you. It
forms a kind of club where there is support and independence.
Spoil yourself
After going through this self-discovery phase, It’s time
to enjoy life for what it is. Go out and treat yourself. Feel the joy that comes
from being independent and the pleasure that comes with self-love. Honestly,
you won’t notice this until someone comes up to you to tell how different you
look because, they are meeting a revised version of yourself. Your ex may even
admire you.
But note to yourself, You’re not doing a make-over to
tell your ex they’re missing out or something. This should be the farthest
thing from your mind. Your ex shouldn’t matter to you anymore.
People often make
that mistake,they create another version of themselves and have a full-fledged
make-over to get the ‘glow’ people always talk about. It’s very easy to achieve
this with new style, make-up, and outfits. Humans are always moved by what they
see and your ex might see you and feel you became hotter all of a sudden.
Ask yourself this question, do they want you back because
they love you or because they think
you’ve moved on and now look hotter?
Glow should come from within and not your outward
appearance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to look attractive after the break up
period but, it shouldn’t be that you look good on the outside but haven’t moved
on deep down.
That being said,
enjoy yourself and be the boss! you
were meant to be.
In conclusion, going through a break up can be hard and takes
time. Even after the following steps, you might break down at some point in
frustration. It also depends on your mindset. You can decide to remain
depressed or break free and move on. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but you have to
face the hurt and deal with it. Dress up, boss up, and get over it!
